we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
