duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
