you guys were way drunker than both of me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize