I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
