I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
