I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
