I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
