So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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