I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
