why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I hate all girls vehemently.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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