guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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