I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
