i just had sex bonerless
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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