I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
honey bunches of taint.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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