I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
