The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Two words: blizzard sex
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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