She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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