just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
