I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
