You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
