so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
