ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just found puke in my bra..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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