I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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