im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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