There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
