I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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