Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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