I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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