I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
