just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize