Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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