Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
