just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
