He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
