it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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