Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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