Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
