Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
