i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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