I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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