"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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