please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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