Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
