Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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