oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So apparently I’m into choking now
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