We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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