i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
