Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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