sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
