i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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