Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
