nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
