I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
