I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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