Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The Olympian is in my bed
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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