I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
