I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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