just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
