please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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