Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize