im gay
i know
yea but for you.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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