Yo dont text me then not text me
someone get that fucking seahorse.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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