He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
