I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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