You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
