hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
