i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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