So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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