omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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