You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
