I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
