So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
