You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Oh god it's open bar.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
