Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
