508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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