just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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