i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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