fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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