A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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