I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
