She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
my liver is dry heaving
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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