Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
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