I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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