I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
