so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
