You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
