Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
