Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
No stitches, just platelets and will power
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
