no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize