he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize