The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
