But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
