i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
