I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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