so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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