Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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