I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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