Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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