nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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