I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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