I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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