if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
