fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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