just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
