He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
