3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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