Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
