my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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