Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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