Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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