if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The air was thick with penises
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize