He felt like a one man threesome
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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