i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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