If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
