imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
